The girls had to be on time and were allready too late, because britt had some pain on here ankle. So i proposed to switch my bicycle for her longboard. the airport was not far but there was a tunnel under another road that made me pick up speed with a board that I did not know and trucks that were a little loose. So that was when I fell and realized something was wrong. Those things you feel immediatly. a quick sober up and a painfull ride to the airport to say goodbye to the girls, then straight to bed to get some sleep. I woke up from the pain and tried to get up and sit at the table. excruciating pain shot through my shoulder, never have I experienced anything like it. In 5 sec I was drenched in sweat! So to the hospital it was, and Stef took me there. x-rays and a diagnose were made, and the doctors told me I had to undergo surgery. given all the pain i was in, I didn't want to wait one secend longer. They told me it was a minor operation, so I asked Stef for his opinion. we gave them 400 somoni, which is about 40€, and there I went. pretty confident I'd be cycling soon. I tried to stay confident in my decision and supressed all dark thoughts as I dozed off. suddenly a nurse woke me up with a hot lubed up tube in 1 hand, a bucket in the other. without warning she shoved it up my nose and started screaming "Swallow, Swallow!"
I started gagging and did my best to obey. I think this certainly ranks high in the top ten horrible wakeups I've had. After 5 minutes of snorting, gagging up sour spit and sniffing, it was in. ..
I did not try to fall asleep after. finally they came to get me and unlike in Europe there was a lot I got to see from the operation room. Seeing the doctor play with a drill to test if it worked, my heartrate sped up.
The nurses started to strap me in and the doctor cleaned the operation area with dips of pure alcohol on my skin.
I notified them my eyes and open wounds were catching an awfull lot of it, but they didn't take me seriously and started cleaning my nipples jokingly, tipping their heads back in laughter. that was the drop that made the bucket spill, so I told them to put me under already. Luckily they understood and waved me goodbye as I went. Next thing I know I was somewhere else in the universe. I
had to construct it, dissassemble and reassemble it. A sudden suspicion dawned on me that I was in surgery. And damn did it hurt!! The drilling sounds confirmed my suspicions as I released a set of deep growls and moans.
"Are you doing OK?" a distant voice came. "No, am I even supposed to be able to talk?" I answered, before travelling back to the universe construction yard.
When I came to again, surgery was over. I felt like I had chugged 2 bottles of cheap vodka and got ran over by the same truck twice. I looked behind me and there they were: The gates of hell. was I entering or exiting? I couldn't ask anyone for anything, and I was in desperate need of water. body language with one arm proved too difficult, and after two hours of begging I was finally granted a cup of boiled water. On the bright side though, it made me appriciate the smaller things in life. Another 2 hours later I tricked them into giving me a pain killer, so the joke was on them.
I kept mistaking the hallway mumbling for Stefs voice, but this time there was no mistaking it, and there he was! To my surprise he could understand every word I said, an experience I had grown unfamiliar with. I tried to tell him what I was going through, extatic to see a familiar face, but after two minutes Stef was kicked out. 'Most good things never last long', I thought, while Anton appeared in the same green labcoat to grant me another 2 minutes of conversation. He told me he had been worried and was happy to see me doing well, snuck me my phone and then got kicked out as well. The guys had a food and water ration delivered to me a bit later. I was put in a small 4 bed sleeping space with 3 Tajik patients. They loved to play loud arab music, and got guests constantly. They all thought it was pretty funny I couldn't speak any language they understood, and everyone seemed to be in a great mood all the time because of that. So they made fun of me as if I was a handicapped monkey. I kept telling myself I'd leave this smokefilled hellhole soon. And then, somewhere in the afternoon, Anton appeared in the doorway. They thought they could keep me, but my brother was there to pick me up. And I was more than done with this sorry excuse for a hospital. The circus was finally over and we stepped into the Dushanbe sunlight to buy some heavy painkillers and a brace for my shoulder.
If you are every without inspiration for a birthdaypresent for me: a t-shirt that reads 'I survived Tajikistan surgery' will do.